"Tonight my heart is cold. Lost in your lies. Shallow replies."

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

"I hoped that you would comeback, it's been a summer..."

"It's burning up in here, even though the bed is cold on your side. I'd rather die than spend this night here without you..."

Yes. Hi.

Everyone is gone. Josh is still in Houston. This is not a good development. I made all these new friends this summer, only for them to leave. And all the friends I have had are pretty much gone too. And what's sad is that the number isn't finished going down yet. Katie will leave in October. That leaves the people around who still like Josh count to about...one.

I'll just go with that thought. My mother told me recently "Oh, it's OK, you're great at making friends!". Yes, this is a true statement. But I'm also very good at losing them. Like this summer. I made all kinds of friends. I met a couple girls I probably would have dated if I'd had the time. But now they're gone. Same as it was when I was younger. I always changed schools, so each year I'd make friends, then I would have to leave. And now I'm not so sure I want to make new friends since odds are pretty good that I won't be here next year. I really don't think I'm strong enough to go through all this again.

There, the depressing stuff is over, breathe easy.

In happier news, staying in Houston means I'll be here when Mindie gets here in November, and I'll be able to hang out with her the whole time she's here. That makes me all fuzzy inside. I haven't seen her since last October, and I miss that kid alot.

And her mom called me today. That was weird.

Yeah, sorry I hadn't posted in so long. I always think of great stuff to post about, but never when I'm actually sitting at the computer. Bear with me faithful few.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

"Tonight won't make a difference..."

Guess I'll post about the last...however many days since you last heard from me.

Last Friday I got a call from Andy wanting me to go with himself, his g/f Jackie, and a couple other girls to the movies. I agreed not knowing that I was supposed to be one of the girls dates. Her name was Allison. She's going to be a Senior at Westfield. She was really cute, and pretty funny. We saw "The Village" (lamest movie ever made) and we were just making fun of it the whole way through. That was fun. Hopefully I can hang out with her again sometime soon.

Saturday, who else calls but Trey. So myself, Trey, Todd (his cousin), and Mitch went over to Tomball Megans and hung out with her and 2 of her friends for awhile. Watched "Wayne's World" and I felt like a cool guy b/c I was the only one of the group who knew all the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody". Sunday night...went over to Trey's and watched "American Beauty" with Trey, Ryan, Mitch, Megan, Jennifer, and Katie. That is a really good movie, I suggest viewing it at anytime. Monday night was chill at home and sleep b/c you have to wake up at 6 in the morning and go swimming for along period of time night. And then last night I was over at Trey's...writing, recording, hanging out. It was fun. There's what I've been up to. Fun stuff I suppose. Shame they'll all be gone in about 2 weeks. *Sigh* Time for a sad song.

My Sundown
by Jimmy Eat World

I see it around me, I see it in everything
I could be so much more than this
I said my goodbye's
This is my sundown
I'm gonna be so much more than this

With one hand high you'll show them your progress
You'll take your time, but no one cares
No one cares

I need you to show me the way from crazy
I wanna be so much more than this

With one hand high you'll show them your progress
You'll take your time, but no one cares

I could be so much more than this
No one cares
I wanna be so much more than this.
But no one cares

Good Goodbye, lovely time
Good Goodbye, tinsel shine
Good Goodbye, I'll be fine
Good Goodbye, good goodnight
"And now for something completely different..."

Thanks to Heather.

01. TAKING BACK SUNDAY vs. BRAND NEW > DO NOT make me choose...TBS
02. ANATOMY OF A GHOST vs. COHEED & CAMBRIA > Coheed & Cambria
03. THE USED vs. THRICE > The Used
06. FALL OUT BOY vs. THE STARTING LINE > Starting Line
07. ATREYU vs. SHAI HULUD > Atreyu since I haven't even heard of the other one
08. THE MARS VOLTA vs. SPARTA > Mars Volta
11. SAVES THE DAY vs. MAE > Ouch...probably Mae.
12. SOMETHING CORPORATE vs. STRAYLIGHT RUN > SoCo...but I love Straylight Run too.
15. SAOSIN vs. ALEXISONFIRE > Alexisonfire
17. GLASSJAW vs. FROM AUTUMN TO ASHES > From Autumn To Ashes
20. GREYFIELD vs. TROUBLE IS > Haven't heard of either of them
21. PUNCHLINE vs. UNSUNG ZEROS > Unsung Zeros
22. SENSES FAIL vs. FINCH > Finch, but I like Senses Fail alot.
23. AUTOPILOT OFF vs. GOB > Autopilot Off
24. HOMEGROWN vs. ALLISTER > Allister
25. LESS THAN JAKE vs. CATCH 22 > Less Than Jake
28. THE GOODWILL vs. OVER IT > Over It
29. GREEN DAY vs. BLINK-182 > Blink

Thursday, July 29, 2004

"And everything I know about breaking hearts I learned from you..."

So it appears that this semester I will be going to Community College with hopes of transferring to A&M in the spring. I'm not incredibly happy about this turn of events. Honestly, right now my life is not all that spectacular. I have no future to speak of, not many friends, and the few I have made this summer will be gone in less than a month. Everything in my life has turned into a question. Nothing seems to matter to me anymore. I live day to day and try to make tommorow better than today, usually thinking that that shouldn't be too much of a task. I don't get any sleep, I can lay in bed for 12 hours and sleep maybe 4 of them. This is my life. I do not particularly care for it about now. It is hollow and has nothing holding it together. Waking up feels more like falling asleep. Everyday is another day of boldly going nowhere. People get close but they never stick around. And then they wonder why I'm not happy. I'm so sick of hearing "It could be alot worse". No joke. I could have testicular cancer, my house could burn down, my guitar could get repossesed, and my dog could die. Things can always get worse. The point is, things could be alot better too. But nobody ever wants to talk about that. I'm a realist drowning in a world of optomists who ignore the cold hard fact that life usually is just plain no fun. "Life is only what you make it" is the biggest lie I've ever heard. If that were true than I would have no reason but to be the happiest person in the world. But you play the hand you're dealt, you don't deal the hand.

(And God is it hard to be alone)

Rocket City
by Northstar

Thinking I'll fly away or take a long drive
And I won’t stop until I reach the other side
And get lost losing myself in the northern sky

So say tonight but tomorrow it won’t be alright
So I'll take off tonight
And risk a fall
And say goodbye

And when I fall don’t forget me
Cause if I stay here I’ll be dying forever

Losing everything that I know...

I’m not scared to fly
I just need golden wings
The kind that will burn in the sky
And knock the stars down to die

Monday, July 26, 2004

"Cause maybe you're gonna be the the one that saves me..."

Guess I'll throw another post up here.

It's funny, a friend of mine named Andy who I have known since I was in 3'rd grade randomly showed up at my pool Thursday. I hadn't seen him in about 5 years, and it turns out he lives in my neighborhood. So Friday night I went with his church group to go bowling. Bowled a 94 and an 83. I was proud. There was a guy who looks like Ned Flanders staring at one of the girls. That was weird. But then I said really loud "wonder what that guy's staring at?" and he never looked our way again.

Saturday I worked all day and then went out with my lifeguarding girls for Amanda Giles birthday. She got a Siamese fighting fish named "Chubbs". It was fun. Kristen managed to go 4-0 in pool even though she'd never played before. And there's many a funny story involving Katie and her cake, but we'll leave that for some other time. Then my man Trey showed up with some guys in tow, and we all decided to hang out Sunday night. So Sunday night I was over at Trey's house with Big Ryan, Little Josh, Trey, Sab, Mitch, (Tomball)Heather, Amanda, Amanda G, and Katie. We played some guitar, watched some movies, chilled like flint. Katie and I sang "Wonderwall" by Oasis. It was fun.

So there's what I've been up to. Best weekend for Josh in a very long while. But now Amanda, Katie and myself have decided we should all hang out every weekend before they head off for college. I will miss those girls, they're really cool. But Katie doesn't leave until October, and Amanda is only in Dallas, so I told her I'd come visit.

And now, "Wonderwall".

by Oasis

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me...

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Yeah, so I updated the links...alot. If you have any suggestions for other cool sites/bands, leave a comment, or just let me know.
Yeah, so I was bored and stole this from Caleb.


First best friend: David Gladney actually lol. I've known him since first grade.
First date: 11'th grade...like a real one.
First real kiss: See above.
First break-up: Lol, see above again.
First screen name: doublehelix14
First funeral: My grandmother.
First pets: Snuffy, the cocker/schnauser/poodle mix.
First piercing/tattoo: Tatoo in about a month, it's gonna be sweet.
First true love: Good question.

Last car ride: Went to pick up my paycheck, then drove to Katie and dropped off hers.
Last good cry: There's a good cry? Last night.
Last library book checked out: "Farenheit 451"
Last movie seen: Anchorman
Last beverage drank: Water
Last food consumed: Turkey sandwich.
Last crush: Why bother.
Last phone call: Katie called asking if I would bring her her check.
Last time showered: About an hour ago.
Last shoes worn: Uh...flip flops?
Last cd played: Boxcar Racer.
Last item bought: Family Guy dvds...all of them...
Last annoyance: People
Last disappointment: People
Last time scolded: last night
Last shirt worn: My Yellowcard shirt.
Last word you said: "huh?"
Last song you sang: Boxcar Racer - "The End With You"

Where do you want to go?: Anywhere but here.
What is your career going to be?: Who knows
Where are you going to live?:  See above
How many kids do you want?: If by some miracle I get married, I'll let my wife figure it out.

Current mood: Tired
Current music: Taking Back Sunday "A Decade Under the Influence"
Current taste: Saliva?
Current hair:  Midlength...looks kinda spazzed for me. Since I haven't shaved in like a week and a half I look like a hippie.
Current longing: Love
Current desktop picture: A dog...it's my moms computer.
Current color of toenails: White?
Current hate: "I hate everything about you, why do I love you?"

What is in your cd player?: Nothing
What color socks are you wearing?: None
What color of underwear are you wearing: Blue
What's under your bed?: I'm too scared to look.
What time did you wake up today?: Never really fell asleep, but I got out of bed at like 10.

"Passed out on the overpass...Sunday best and broken glass..."
Bacardi Stinger
by Josh Kendall

And this is the one thing I can do nothing about
You're leaving and I'm not going to try and stop you
Foot's been out my hearts door since the first day you stepped inside
I swear to God I'll pretend this doesn't hurt

You'd better get out while the getting is good
Abandoned ship, can't say I blame you
But fuck, you took my last lifeboat

You didn't have to say you loved me if you never really meant it
Cause I'll just make a scene and still end up on my own
You always come so close and leave so fast
And I'm wondering which of us is more wrong

Somebody should have warned you I was a hopeless case
Sorry for forgetting all the love you thought you gave me
Just because I'm wasted doesn't mean I'm a waste

Calm and quiet with words that kill
Loud and leaving with my heart in your hands

You never heard a word I didn't say (calm and quiet)
Your idea of love seems more like hate (words that kill)
You always rip me wide open (loud and leaving)
You always take the life out of me (my heart in your hands)

And I never said I was perfect
And who the hell do you think you are?

Don't you fight this
Don't you dare forget this

Head Club
by Taking Back Sunday

Well it's getting colder and you're getting distant
And I just keep thinking that I never meant it to be like this
You know what comes next (so do I)
You're begging for a way to gracefully bow out and say goodnight

It's worse than you think

On your way home you should have known
You never listen to me
I'm only complaining to keep myself busy sweetie

I can’t say I blame you
But I wish that I could
I’m sick of writing every song about you

Don't call my name out your window
I'm leaving
(I'm sick of writing every song about you)

Friday, July 02, 2004

"Music makes the people come together..."

I would like to address the current state of music in our culture for a moment.

I have a very open mind when it comes to music. I will listen to about 99% of what you could throw at my eardrums and won't complain about it. I, however, am a part of a very small (and getting smaller by the day it seems) minority. Most people listen to one specific genre. Metalheads, punkers, kickers, thugs...we base our social standing and peer groups on types of music.

This should not be.

I love punk music. I'll admit it. I'm a sucker for the whiny voice, 3 chord distorted guitar, and cheesy lyrics about the guy who lost his girl. I know more about punk music, how to play it, it's history, and the bands that influence current punk rock acts then 90% of the kids who listen to it. But I'm not a punk rocker. I don't have a green mohawk, I actually like Simple Plan, I have but one "Atticus" shirt, and I have no piercings in ungodly places. So if I go to a punk concert, I stand out like a sore thumb. Why does what type of music you listen to have to define what sort of people you hang out with, or for that matter, what kind of person you are? And it's not just punk, I like Metal, Rock, Jazz, Blues, Classical, Bluegrass, Tribal, and Reggae. You're hearing from a guy who's just as likely to listen to Bach as Judas Priest, or Avril Lavigne (forget "Skater Boi", she's very talented) as Ben Jalen. I like Incubus, and I like John Coltrane.

All I'm saying is, that if you like punk rock, that's great. So do I. But it doesn't mean the guy wearing a Rolling Stones shirt sitting next to you isn't a cool guy. Just remember, The Ramones aren't the greatest band of all time just because you think they are.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, Josh...

(Guess I'll fit in with the crowd)

Act your age? Yeah, sure. "What's my age again?"
Born on what day of the week? Friday
Chore you hate? Ummm...is work a chore?
Dad’s name? Mark
Essential makeup item? Mascara! Wait...
Favorite actor? John Cusack
Gold or silver? Silver
Hometown? Houston, TX
Instruments you play? Guitar, drums, percussion...I can play piano, bass, even accordian lol, but those are on rare occasions.
Job? Lifeguard
Kids? How about a 2 year old sister?
Living arrangements? Myself, my sister, my mom and my stepdad.
Mom’s name? Robyn
Need? "You can't always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes, you get what you need."
Overnight hospital stays? Nope
Phobias? None to speak of.
Quote you like? "I am the Walrus" - Steve Buscemi in "The Big Lebowski"
Religious affilation? Uh...Christian?
Siblings? Half sister Briana, who is 2.
Time you wake up? Depends on the day.
Unique talent? My talent is similar to Amandas...if you play a song, there's about a 99% chance I can tell you who it is.
Vegetable you refuse to eat? Squash (of the yellow variety)
Worst habit? Who knows, probably smoking.
X-rays you’ve had? Teeth
Yummy food you make? Tuna...w/mayo of course.
Zodiac Sign? Taurus.

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